Thursday, March 1, 2018

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Rainbow Girls

Pueveyors of Medieval American girly art have some pretty strange tastes.

One of the things men missed most with the collapse was pornography--the driving force of most technology. Sure, some magazines here and there stuck around, although weathered, they would in turn transform into unusual purple, green, or yellow hues. But coming up with new erotic images meant having to draw or paint them. This would be the reliable source of income for artists, in a world that didn't have much of an economy for the arts. The women would sometimes be drawn with skin tones not found in nature, for several reasons. One, because painters would use whatever they had on hand. Two, because by drawing them as mermaids or cat ladies allowed them to make the image more distinct, without having to draw new faces. Third, it offset the uncanny valley. And fourth, because it allowed models a degree of anonymity.

Monday, January 1, 2018


Libations are the cornerstone of any civilization, and especially in time periods where drinking the water is not always safe or possible.

In the Industrial age, beer was the drink of choices for Americans, and that's still largely true in Medieval America, where there's enough wheat and barley surplus enough for fermentation. Grain beers are specialized enough in the midwest that they actually make beer, where in most of the country, grains are used quickly and haphazardly made into ale.

Wine: Wine is by far the most popular drink on the west coast, with the rich Nappa Valley the home of countless vineyards, to the point it's more common to drink wine in the grain-growing parts of the Pacific Northwest. There's also vineyards in the Great Lakes region, where the lake effects creates its own distinctive wine flavor. While more or less a drink more for the upper crusts than the peasantry, a great deal of wine is exported to Catholic Quebec.

Cider: Cider was originally the drink of choice for early American colonists--apples being much easier to grow on the east coast than grain or grapes. Cider fell out of favor in the early 20th century due to prohibition, but with the localization of goods, the dependence on fermented apples ranging from Maine to North Carolina saw them make a comeback. It's also a more popular rustic drink in Columbia.

Rum: In the deep south, where warm beers are less palatable, and wine has never really caught on, the denizens tend to drink spirits, especially rum, as it's versatile and easy to come by as a byproduct of sugar cane. It's very common to mix rum with citrus fruits and creams

The Mormons of Deseret are not allowed alcoholic beverages, so they tend to drink tea, which is made from boiled water. In general, Mormons don't have to worry about the perils of unhygienic water, it's much drinking water actually comes from wells and aqueducts from the mountains.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Christmas Card Culture

In a lot of ways, Medieval Americans don't like to consider themselves as living in a medieval time period. Most people don't. For a while, however, they did realize the the modern world was lost to them. Americans have largely written off the culture of the 20th and 21st centuries. It's not to say some modern stuff hasn't stuck around here and there; Elvis is still venerated, dads play catch with their sons, and pizza is not only possible but convenient, but for the most part Americans consider the height of society to generally be the late 18th century/Pre-War America, and do their best to emulate and drawn inspiration from that. Basically the society you would see on a Christmas card, or a musical about Main Street.

A lot of this had to do with the gutting of  the middle and technical class. The suburbanites, the office drones. A world of supermarkets and drive-thrus. There were largely three types of people left. Those who could produce their own food, those who could win a fight, and those who could maybe by their way out.

The farmers and ranchers who were best able to weather the storm retreated into the image of a pastoral, wholesome America . One where people knew their scripture and the value of hard work. Small town and horse-drawn carriages. This was the life. A world of computers and cable TV got everybody into trouble in the first place, so missing that time in history was akin to missing a gangrenous limb.

The wealthiest embraced a somewhat Luddite lifestyle for different reasons. There were no more yachts, no more sportscars, no latest fashions from Europe, or visiting Europe for that matter. They had to use the majority of the jewelry and finest items as currency. The only way to feel like they were the upper crust was to evoke a sense of breeding, and usually on a budget. Poetry, classical music, seafood. Affect the tastes of time old timey Europe, and maybe even sometime Eastern culture. (Kimonos were quite popular with aristocracy for a while) Anything some yokel wouldn't be familiar with.

Probably the most nostalgia for 20th century can be found in the southern parts of the country, and the locations of the old cities, with people largely descended from non-white populations, and thus unlikely to view the "good old days" with similar eyes. As a result, more modern pop hip hop songs, or oral history of summer blockbusters are more likely to be found in this area.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Tabletop Games

As society plunged into the new dark ages, one of the few means of recreation was tabletop game. Cheap and not requiring electricity, tabletop games also evoke a sort of anachronistic, recursive nostalgia. They remind people of "good old days"' while still being intelligible to current circumstances. However, in Medieval America, all but Chess have a pretty shady rep and are discouraged by the clergy, and even so!even of the most innocuous card and board games are the equivalent to our lurid video games or pornography. (Some cards and game pieces are in fact, pornographic) Soldiers will dispose of their playing cards before battle, so families or pries to won't find them on their person. "Losing their cards" has become a colloquialism for sanitizng a dead person's past.

Chess is ever popular, and is actually one of the more intellectual pursuits for Warlords, as it teaches strategy, patience, and respect for one's opponent. It also stereotypes a Chess player as more of a rich, landed bro as opposed to an egghead per se. The poorer will play Checkers, and Chess vs Checkers is sometimes used to distinguish the knight vs mercenary stratification.

While most of Europe has to back o their own varying, sometimes esoteric suits (like  Three of Dogs), American card players stick to the standardized suit of hearts-clubs-diamonds-spades. However, card decks in the new Middle Ages tend to be smaller in size, as it's creates more work from the cardmaker, and people don't really feel like counting beyond 8. Cards tend to be byproducts of book making, so one is more likely to find them in Portland or Buffalo.

Of all the Parker Bros era books, Clue is the most popular. This is because the Christiesque atmosphere is both familiar yet exotic to Medieval Americans, and because it's a relatively simple game in both instructions and resources. The gun is replaced with a poisoned chalice, and because of the game, 20th century denizens have a reputation of being quite murderous.

Dungeons and Dragons is sometimes played, and mistakenly believed to date back to the original Middle Ages. It's actually much more simplified and even standardized, as people don't have he time or means to keep track of hundreds of monster stats. Monsters are placed throughout a maze (a dragon is always the center), and ranked on a scale of one to six. (Codifying this can be a source of much argument) No prestige classes, the lineup is usually confined to fighter, healer, magician, archer and thief. No more, no less.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

New York, New York

New York is far from the largest city in Medieval America, but right now is thriving as a strategic military outpost, and no doubt a symbol of prestige.

In the Industrial era, New York City was the de facto capital of the western world. A center of art, finance, and a gateway to the rest of the world. After the collapse, the city could not empty out fast enough. There was no way to feed its teeming millions. most major corporations were defunct. There was no immigration center, or tourism industry. For centuries, the giant glass skyscrapers were more of a liability than anything. Central Park was a good place for outlaws and refugees to congregate, but the concrete jungle was effectively a mausoleum.

After several centuries, with every skycraper that was going to collapse collapsing, and every tunnel that was going to flood having flooded, mariners from the United States found the skeletal canyons of the city to be an almost concentric series of walls. Actually, this was noticed by the armies of the splintered New York kingdoms, but the United States were more effective at taking the city and utilizing it as a labyrinthine fortress. Many of the historic names for places remain, in theory, but used for much different purposes. Rockefeller Center is the seat of government. Times Square is where executions or corporal punishments are held. Central Park is a game area.

New York City is primarily just Manhattan, however a few garrisons exist on the outer boroughs, and the cliffs overlooking the Hudson. Also, the villages and estates that dot Long Island are pretty much under the jurisdiction of the army, when not under the United States itself.

Monday, June 12, 2017


For the most part, Americans tend to venerate figures from scripture (Moses, David) or real life people who had achieved mythic status (Davey Crockett, Johnny Appleseed), with a few characters from tall tales or acclaimed literary works, usually because of efforts by scoutmasters and tutors. However, it's hard deny to the influence comic books have had on American culture. This is largely because of their distinctive visuals, and because comic books (and comic book-inspired works) were the easiest to enjoy in a post-industrial society. They're portable, don't require electricity, can be  enjoyed at least a little bit by the illiterate, and can exist for a long time. Not permanently,  of course, but their impact lasted. Actually, in New Mexico, where the climate is drier and the Bible is much less popular, even the less widespread comic book characters like Green Lantern and the Fantastic Four are known, but for most of the continent, there are only a few who have managed to remain iconic for a thousand years.

Superman, of course, still exists in folklore, being the embodiment of America as a culture. He has his litany of superpowers, and even a few new ones. When updated to recent times, Clark Kent is a mid-mannered churchman or friar, usually with a hood covering his face. Lois Lane doesn't recognize him because she never looks him in the eye. The biggest difference is, in the Non-Denominational world, he's from Ohio valley, as opposed to Kansas, which is full of barbarians and heretics. It makes sense, as his creators were from Cleveland, and the Hall of Justice resembles Cincinati's train station.

Spiderman is maybe the most popular character from a storytelling perspective. He's distinctive and yet simple enough to be used for toys, puppets, and acrobats are known to dress in Spiderman costumes. "With great power comes great responsibility" is the peasant's answer to chivalry. Peter Parker's dayjob involves weaving tapestries, which his spider powers make surprisingly easy. Some people believe he was real, and friends with Barack Obama, so whether he's considered whimsical or sinister depends on that part of country's opinion of him.

Wonder Woman largely became popular because the combination of classical mythology combined with American iconography and a little bit of Nazi-punching (Americans are vague about World War II, but they know they crossed the sea to fight them) makes her a natural myth. Various kingdoms try to put their own nationalist spin on her, but because primary colors, stars, and eagles are on so many flags, the changes are usually subtle. She's considered so sacrosanct it's considered bad for prostitutes to dress like her, even though it's quite popular for brothels to have folklore themes.

The Incredible Hulk is maybe the former comic book character most popular with the nomadic herdsmen. They see him as the ultimate expression of pastoralism, a big green force of nature who smashes the corrosive and oppressive structures of the so-called "civilized" world.

In some cases, characters have gone beyond folklore, and have become somewhat de-fictionalized. These are naturally the comic book characters who generally didn't have superpowers.

In the original middle ages, it was common for errant knigths to blacken their armor to prevent rust and maybe do some extra-curricular battle, and real black knights started to appear in America. That many languages have the same word for "black" and "dark" didn't escape people, and so the idea of real life Batmans started occurring. In the middle ages, peculiar costume flourishes were pretty normal (It makes you easier to recognize on the battlefield, and may show off you wealth), so a couple people started using Bat-sigils on their coat of arms, and wearing the cowl when possible. Funny enough, "Robins" also became common, as sort a sort of cross between a squire and a herald. It should be also be said that at some point, bandits started to wear clown makes or makeup, but this may or may not have been inspired by the Joker. In any case, this practice caused clowns to be banned across the territories.

There's also a few real life Captain Americas, though it may have been an accident at first, with soldiers, especially in United States territory, having the combination of mail and start-spangled attire drawing comparisons, with some deciding to lean into it. The iconic captain America shield is very popular, and as a symbol is common on coats of arms.

Because of its popularity with real life military culture figures like Chris Kyle, the Punisher's ominous skull logo has also become very common among non-nonsense warriors, and a skull ring is even given to a warlord's personal executioner.

Thor is also a popular figure in Medival American legends,  held back in popularity only by the nervousness of liking a pagan creation too much. Because he was actually around in the middle ages, he fits in this era just fine. And because he was a staple of American comic books, he fits in with stories about Superman and Spiderman just fine as well. It's very popular in taverns to argue which muscelman can beat which in a fight.